Dealing with loss

It has been about at least five years since I last bawled my eyes out crying. It's almost like my reservoir is dry, I frequently have to cut onions to check if my tear ducts are still functional. Another option is letting water run down my cheeks in the shower just to remember the sensation. I even recall watching a melodramatic movie, and everyone in the room watching with me started to tear up, yet I did not get any of the water works started. Perhaps it's the culture that drives the ideology that, boys or rather men do not cry, has permeated it's way into my biology and now I physically can not cry. I am not a stoic, I enjoy joy and I do know that sorrow does tarry through the night, in feeling feelings we are more likely to be empathic to those who are doing poorly. Personally, I may never get to fully understand the degree to which a person is grieving or jubilance that gets one jumping all over the room. I do understand that there are cues to look for that...